That Time I Explained Death to My 3-Year-Old

At some point in parenthood, you will have to have those BIG discussions with your kids. You know, where do babies come from? Why doesn’t she look like me? Why is so-and-so different? Hopefully, you’re prepared because those questions can pop up at any time and really catch you off guard, like it did with me.

When we first bought our house about 7 years ago, I was there alone during the day the first week we had moved in. Suddenly, I heard a very loud noise hitting glass, and I hurried to check it out. Instead of a baseball or rock, I was staring at a hawk the size of a cat! It was sitting there with its wings spread out blinking in shock. My first reaction was, “Oh no! Hurt animal! Must help!” So I opened my patio door, but then I caught a glimpse of the talons and decided to stay put. Instead of acting like a crazy person trying to touch/help the bird, I decided to act like a crazy person and just talk to the bird, “Hey bird! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” …Well, of course, it didn’t answer! Eventually, it regained it’s composure and flew away, and it’s never happened since.

That is until earlier this summer. The kids and I were eating lunch in the kitchen when I heard that noise again, though not quite as big. “What was that?” my 3-year-old asked. I told her I wasn’t sure, despite having my suspicions. Sure enough, a sweet little robin had crashed into the patio door and was lying on the deck. I’ve heard of birds knocking themselves out and then flying away much like the hawk. So I left it, intending to check on it later during naps.

I forgot until my daughter walked by the window and asked, “Mommy, what is that? What’s that little birdie doing?”

Oh crap! It didn’t fly away! It’s dead! I thought. Okay, don’t panic.

“Mommy, why isn’t it moving?”

I’m panicking!

We try to be honest, not transparent, but honest with our kids. So I started one of those BIG discussions, “Well, the birdie is dead…” What do I say next? I hope I’m not screwing her up!

“Dead? Like he’s sleeping?”

“Kind of like sleeping, but he’s not going to wake up again.”

The discussion took a very medical turn, talking about our bodies and how if we get a super, really bad boo boo, then we can die. Our bodies stop working. If we don’t take good care of our toys, they can break and stop working. Our bodies are the same way. If we don’t take good care of them, they can stop working too.

She tried to convince me that the bird just needed some food and we should put him back in the tree so he could be with his friends. Break. My. Heart. I told her that the part of the birdie that made him awake was gone and went to Heaven. Because, theologically speaking, all dogs and birds go to heaven, right?! After that, we discussed the religious/spiritual side of things that we believe. And when my husband came home, she went on the deck, watched Daddy scoop the bird up and put him in the trash, saying bye bye birdie (sorry, I couldn’t resist!).

A couple days later at the zoo, a volunteer was holding a sea turtle shell and asked if my daughter and her cousin wanted to touch it. “Where’s the turtle?” her cousin asked. “He got hit by a boat and died,” the volunteer replied. Suddenly, a light bulb went off in my daughter and she yells, “Just like the birdie on the deck!” Then proceeded to tell him all about it.  

Looking back, I’m actually really pleased with how our conversation went, despite feeling so unprepared. She understood, asked questions, and has moved on to other less terrifying questions.  

How about you? Will you sit down and have the BIG discussions before they’re asked? Or wait till your kids bring them up?