I’ve tried yoga a few times. I am not very good at it. The whole balance thing does not at all come natural.
My sister and I were nearly kicked out of a yoga class after the swan pose erupted us into loud and uncontrollable giggles. (I will spare you the details, but let’s just say a “well endowed” woman did not invent this pose.) Compared to the Gumbies in the class, I looked like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz, squeaking and grunting with every hunch, reach and lunge I tried to perform. Downward dog seemed like it should be upward dog to me, but I thrust my aching caboose once more high into the air. Breathe, stretch, hold. Now steady, and… TREE POSE! Finally, I was completely still and totally in balance! For all of 2 milliseconds, that is, before starting my rapid decent toward the unforgiving, wooden floor. Alright. That’s it. This balance thing’s a farce. I am calling hogwash. Something’s gotta give.
Ironically, this is how I feel about life, too. For me, finding balance has been this elusive ideal I am supposed to find, embrace and practice if I ever want to achieve success in ANY area of my life. For years I have felt guilty for my lack of a “balanced life.” Balance job and family, work and play. Balance exercise and rest, vegetables and ice cream, spending and saving.
Just find balance.
In my mind I picture one of those golden scales from ancient Egypt. Each of my priorities represented by a stone before me in a pile. All I need to do is place them on each side in perfect unison without tipping the scale in one direction or the other. The scale must be in perfect balance at all times and it must be completed in 10 minutes before utter and final failure sets in FOR-E-VER!
Impossible. It can’t be done. Not in this world, anyway. I have tried. But instead of giving up and resigning myself to a life of mediocrity and destitution, maybe I can start by redefining balance a little more realistically.
Balance is more like a teeter-totter than an Egyptian scale.
See, life is imbalanced by nature. There is give-and-take that has to happen. I call this the Teeter-Totter Effect. Things in one area go way out of proportion and you need to teeter and totter your life around so you don’t fall flat on your face. Take a newborn baby, for instance. How many times did I hear, “Sleep now, because after that baby is born, you’ll never sleep again?” (Like you could somehow store up that sleep for later in a slumber savings account.) But it doesn’t work that way. That precious little human will suck the sleep and life right out of you because that is what is needed at the time. Not forever, but for now. Showers, dishes, and sometimes even friends fall by the wayside–but just for a time. And then later, it will be different.
Balance does not mean every area deserves the same amount of attention.
I don’t give the same amount of snacks to each of my kids. The two older boys eat more than their sister. And the 3-year old’s portion should not be equal to the 10-year old’s. Everything is allocated according to need. Sometimes one area of need demands immediate attention. We are saving up for a mini-van before ours literally disintegrates. (It’s a race against time, folks. Believe me!) That takes precedence over our next family vacation because we wouldn’t even be able to GET there if we don’t first have a reliable family-mobile. So, I picked up an additional regular shift at my job this season. Our floors may not be as clean and our meals may be in the PBJ genre of cuisine, but this is what needs the attention right now. And that is okay.
Balance takes teamwork
In the past, I thought figuring out balance was solely on me—my responsibility alone. I was wrong. You need a team. Over the past year, I have been rehabbing an injury to my core muscles. It’s slow going, very tedious and sometimes still painful. But I noticed something significant in this process of repairing my core: all the muscles take turns flexing and releasing in order to stabilize me. They are all working together but some more than others at times, to keep me in balance. Each muscle takes its turn to contribute to the team for the goal at hand.
One of my many mantras to my kids is, “Because our family is a team and we all need to work together!” The kids might have to pitch in a little more—it might not be the BEST way to load the dishwasher, but it will work for today! Enlist a grandparent’s help from time to time—I know YOU want to be the one who is at that special event, but getting someone special who cares about them to attend is the next best thing. Ask about that carpool with a friend on the soccer team and come up with a mutually beneficial plan that makes both of your lives easier. So, this season you need a hand, but sometime you’ll also get to be that helping hand for someone else. Find your “core” team and experience that stabilizing power as you each flex those helper muscles when and where you can.
I can’t be the only balance-challenged mama out there. Do you need to redefine what a balanced life looks like? Be kind to yourself. Give loads of grace to yourself. Do what you can, when you can, and most importantly, don’t expect more of yourself than you can possibly give.
There is a reason yoga is slow-stretching, long-reaching, and quiet-lengthening in nature. It’s a process. It takes time. Think long-term goals. We are in this process, my friends. I can’t go from Tin Man to one of the Gumbies in a day or even a week. It will take much, much, MUCH longer than that. So stay the course. Commit to the priorities of this season and find your own definition of what balance looks like in your life.
