When I was pregnant with my first, I did a lot of research into labor and delivery techniques. I took the classes, bought the books, talked with friends, read other’s birth stories online, and researched tips and techniques on blogs, forums and every pretty Pinterest picture I saw. When I began reading up on labor and delivery, I had never before heard of writing a “Birth Plan,” but soon I was seeing it recommended as frequently as bringing your own fluffy robe to the hospital.
I also read some conflicting thoughts on a birth plan. The idea that birth never goes as plan, so why write one? Or that nurses, midwives and doctors tend to think they’re a load of crock from a demanding, bossy mother-to-be and don’t follow them. Or even just that it would set up unfair expectations for the new mom, adding to the pressure of her “perfect birth image” and then being disappointed – because as I mentioned above, “birth never goes to plan.” So anyone who writes them must be delusional.
And so going into my first labor, I didn’t really know what to do. Do I write one and then nervously hand it to my nurses in the hospital, hoping they don’t think I’m going to go crazy on them if it wasn’t followed to a T? Do I tell them, “I know it won’t go like this, but just in case …” Making sure they know, I know, it might not work? Do I not write it and just hope things will happen close to what I want? Do I make my husband memorize my hopes and dreams for the birth so he can ensure my desires are followed?
When I was about 32 weeks pregnant with my first, I started feeling incredibly overwhelmed with all the information I was learning. My childbirth classes were running weekly, and I’d finally dug into that stack of books on my nightstand. Birth was fascinating to me and I loved researching it! But I was also confused with what I wanted, couldn’t keep certain techniques and tips straight, and was just plain struggling to remember what I wanted and what I didn’t want. I was scared to set myself up for failure by writing a birth plan, but at the same time, thought it might just be helpful in helping me process everything I was learning.
And so I wrote it. Planning at first, to keep it private. It was two very full, single-typed pages long.
Definitely putting me in the running for the nurses to laugh me out of the room.
So I edited it over time, and eventually it was about three quarters of a page, with spacing, formatting and at least a bit of breathing room for all my “wishes.”
I tentatively showed it to my midwife at my 36 week appointment and she looked it over, told me it was great and “the perfect length” and put a copy in my file. At 39 weeks, I checked into the hospital and somewhat coherently handed another copy over to the triage nurse, mumbling something between contractions about how “It might be overkill, and I understand birth doesn’t go to plan.”
And low and behold, that nurse stopped everything she was doing and read every single word. I could see her lips moving and when she got to the part about hoping for “dim lighting” she raced over to the light switch and flipped off half the lights in the triage room. I smiled and laughed and just wanted to kiss that nurse for making me feel heard! Special! Valued! Not stupid for writing a birth plan!
The night progressed and well, like they say, my birth definitely did not go according to plan – everything except that dim lighting I suppose. In fact, I actually had quite a traumatic birth, and am still healing from it today. But as I’m preparing for a second shot at labor and delivery, I think I’ll dust off that old plan and use it again. After all, my wishes haven’t really changed. I’m just a little more open-handed than I was the first go-around I suppose. In my first birth, my hands were forced, in the second, I think they will be laying on the delivery table with palms wide open.
But I still think, that for me, writing that birth plan was completely worth it.
Because what I’ve come to believe is that, yes, birth plans are worth writing. Not because it will set you up for the birth you want, but because it helps prepare you for birth. Because it forces you to think about what’s going to happen and the different ways it could happen. Because it’s a normal part of becoming a mom. It’s nesting. It’s maternal instinct. It’s just plain human nature to want to prepare for a big life event. And so if it helps you, write it! Don’t let anyone deter you or make you feel like an over-bearing momma because you wrote one. Is it necessary for everyone? Nope, not at all. But if you think it might help you process all you’re learning, sit your beautiful, pregnant-self down at the computer and type away.
Just know that those are dreams you’re writing down. Just like in life, some may come true, some may not. That’s both the beauty and frustration of birth – you’ll just have to see how it all shakes out.
How about you? Did you write a birth plan? Do you think they’re worth it?
3 comments
I like what you said here, many times delivery is completely out of your hands in emergency or complicated situations. Yet researching and thinking about it can help your own mind and prepare for the big event. My birth plan for my two deliveries was: walk out with a healthy baby. I didn’t really care how good or bad my own experience would be.
Awesome balanced approach! Good advice!
I loved this post, great advice! When I was pregnant, writing out a birthplan and sharing it with our obgyn, doula, and husband helped me prepare mentally and also manage my expectations…the feedback I received helped me accept that many many MANY things would not go as I hoped or planned during birth. My doula helped me cut it down to a manageable length, and I had the same experience with my nurse – she stopped, read every word, and asked questions. It helped me trust her and feel a bond with her right away, making a much better experience.