Making new mommy friends is tough. I find this especially true in my case, being in a new city where the girls I typically enjoyed happy hour with are those I met in college and frankly, they are there and I am here. Not only that, but frequently I tend to be the youngest mom at birthday parties, school programs and my newest adventure, Kindergarten Round-Up and PTO meetings at my son’s new school. I’m putting my kid in Kindergarten as my girlfriends are putting together their “First-Time Mom” boards on Pinterest. These young mom observations and frequent happenings not always, but certainly have lead to the following:
Was it planned?
Mamas will get this on their second, third, fourth and so on expectant child. This is the biggest of them all. Am I right? Whether or not this is anyone’s business or not, which none of this is – I always wonder, does my answer change your perspective of my mad mothering skills? Does it allow a glimpse into my past? Maybe I was once naive and uneducated? Or does it show how far I’ve come in five years? I hope the latter.
Was my son planned? Absolutely not, I sat in my room while my roommates and boyfriend whispered I would be okay. I cried for days. I skipped work and my biggest fear was getting “fat.” When you’re 21, you rarely live off of plans. I lived day by day and one of those days, life handed me a big huge bag of lemons and I rolled with it. I’m fortunate my boys very unexpectedly came into my life when they did and for once, I was GIVEN a plan to finish out. To become a life partner and a mother. Either way, most of the time, the answer is no. Yet, it worked… plan or no plan.
At least you got your body back, right?
Nope, I didn’t. My hips are wider, my 5+ years of working at Victoria’s Secret and drawer full of cute bras were quickly put to waste, and as dry as my hair already is, it was breaking off in clumps now. After I had a child at 21 years old, please believe I continued to eat like I was pregnant and had never stepped foot inside a gym before. Yeah! I got my body back… I got it back 4 years after I gave birth, actually. It took a lot of hard work, discipline and thrown’ around some pretty heavy weights in my local gym. Unfortunately, it had nothing to do with how old I was when I became a mom.
Remember when we’d roll our pants and pin them like this? OR… you seriously didn’t watch Alf?
First of all, who and what? My husband is 7 years older than me and we get stuck in these awkward moments every once in a while where our generation gap really shows the difference in our ages. He was a fab child of the 80’s and I was the grunge kid of the 90’s wearing baggy tees and boxers under my wide leg pants. No, my mom didn’t roll and pin my pants (how’d moms keep track of all those safety pins, anyway?) and I don’t know the difference between Ratt, Queen or Motley Crue.
Yes, I’m aware I’m breaking my mother’s heart admitting this right now.
Remember husband, I’m from the 90’s. With that being said, give me some Waterfalls by TLC, Jincos or allow me to thrill you with every single campfire story from Are You Afraid of the Dark — Ah yes, now we’re talking about a childhood.
Would you change anything?
Of course. I grew up quickly as I spent my summers in school, didn’t do the Spring Break trips with friends or help celebrate any 21st birthdays. When this becomes a discussion, which is often, the answer is always, “of course.” What would I change about having a child at the age of 21 years old? I guess I’d buy less newborn sized diapers, I’d learn the value of pumping breast milk and I probably would have held my baby a little longer and tighter (as if I didn’t already, but more is good).
It’s scary, isn’t it?
I was asked this by a woman who looked as though I could have been her daughter. We were watching our children interact in their new preschool classroom, when she whispered, “It’s scary, isn’t it?” She then proceeded to ask if he was my first and I answered, “My only.” She smiled and nodded without a word. It’s all I really needed, that reassurance that it’s okay and yes, he is getting older… As am I.
Opening your heart and caring for someone so small is probably the scariest (and coolest) thing I’ve done in all my 27 years. However, it’s clear my emotions and fears were just as valuable and strong as the woman standing next to me as she also watched her first born play and be let out to sing and dance on their own. With many risks, triumphs, hopes and very little to be said for my savings account… The questions and answers given to young moms defines nothing more or less than any other mom. I never saw myself as being a wife or mom, it honestly wasn’t a thing I longed for growing up, but I’ve got this handsome man who chose me and a soon-to-be Kindergartner who is convinced I run the world (don’t confuse my abilities with Beyonce, but I’d say it’s close enough).
What do you think Moms, have you also entered adulthood with a sweet baby by your side the whole time?
1 comment
I relate! The details to my story are different, my husband and I were open to pregnancy during my senior year of college, but I completely relate to the sudden chasm of difference between the lives of my college friends and peers and myself. At this point, when my first is two, it seems the majority of my close friends are five to ten years older than me.
And yet, this was the norm a few generations ago. My grandparents were both 22 with their first. They were in fact the most supportive of my pregnancy for that reason. It’s funny how things like that change so quickly!