Field Notes on Sleep: Reminders for My Future Self

I’ve never understood Daylight Savings. For me, it’s in the same category as basic accounting or the Electoral College: some things I’d rather let other people explain while I unconsciously experience their effects. Sadly, the only thing unconscious about Daylight Savings these days is me.

Daylight Savings is indeed rough on us. But thankfully, it’s only a few times a year. (And zero times a year for those lucky Arizona moms.) The real challenges and lessons have been in the trenches of the everyday—that’s the stuff no baby forum or sleep book can prepare us for. Trial and error is really the greatest teacher.

My son has unfortunately inherited my toss-and-turn genes, but somehow, we’ve both managed to survive a ten-month sleep deficiency. So I’m stockpiling the wisdom I’ve gleaned from my own failures for my future self—because for this zombie mama, a few extra hours of sleep is like a healing balm from Heaven.

Never plan a trip to another time zone the week before Daylight Savings. You’ll make it through the airport meltdowns and mile-high nursing sessions. Even the time zone change will be manageable. But hear you me: returning from vacation three days before Daylight Savings is a recipe for disaster. The only social contact you’ll manage for weeks is someone handing you a cup of caffeine.

Don’t waste precious energy trying to find the perfect combination of emoji to illustrate the 4-month sleep regression. And don’t tell non-moms about sleep regressions, or they may never reproduce.

Take advantage of the brief window of time when baby will sleep anywhere. You may think to yourself, “this whole baby sleep thing isn’t so bad!” when your newborn child will sleep through anything. You’ll bring your sweet snoozer to adult establishments, and adoring friends will comment on how “easy” your baby is. But when the full-blown nap schedule sets in, you’ll be lucky to have contact with civilization after 6 PM.

Adhere to the routine when possible. Sometimes, breaking baby’s schedule is worth it—like an important doctor’s appointment or a trip to visit friends on the west coast. You may spend a week recovering from nap deficits, but at least you’ll have the assurance of baby’s health or fond beach memories to reflect on when you’re hiding from his wails. An impromptu trip to the Eagan Premium Outlets, however, is probably not worth the trouble. The faint memory of a lukewarm soft pretzel will not sustain you as your overtired son fights sleep all afternoon.

Don’t waste money on toys. Sleep training is apt amusement for a precocious 6-month-old. You will hear “you’re a bad mom!” and “you’ll pay for this!” in your baby’s screams. Self-doubt will set in, and you’ll question if sleep training is even humane. He could be hungry! His arm could be caught in the crib! A burglar could be intruding! Dare you interrupt the progress you’ve made by checking on him? If you give in, foolishly expecting him to melt in your arms and fall asleep at the scent of your bosom, you will find your child with a single, calculated tear falling from his eye, laughing as you carry him to the living room. And only one of you will be entertained.

Invest in a good concealer. An espresso machine wouldn’t hurt either.

Don’t coax baby to sleep with stimuli you don’t want to deal with months down the road. The Halo Sleep Sack may seem like a magical strait jacket to contain a sleepless newborn. But weaning him from that thing when he learns to roll over will be a nightmare from Hades.

The car seat nap is a delicate art not to be trifled with. Do what it takes to keep your baby from falling asleep in the car unless you have hours to spend driving around town befriending local drive-thru attendants. Once baby gives in to the doze in his car seat, consider any actual restorative sleep canceled. Helpful tools for maintaining wakefulness include blasting Macklemore and holding loud, one-way conversations about important social issues.

Nap time is a precious commodity. Spend it wisely. Some days you’ll be bent on survival, and all you’ll have strength to do is sit on the bathroom floor and mindlessly scroll social media. But when you can, try to use naptime to recharge so you can be your best self when baby wakes up. The laundry and dishes can wait. Those few hours of alone time the baby gifts you each day are just that—a gift. Best used in the form of a breakfast or a shower.

Don’t be afraid to break the rules. The rules don’t apply when it comes to your own sanity—sometimes, you just have to do what it takes to get some real rest, for the good of your own family. Your baby is not a machine; he’s a human, so do what feels right moment to moment. And scoop that sleeping angel up from the crib and cuddle from time to time. Because he’s not getting any younger.