Several times a year, I put heavy makeup on my young daughters’ faces. I spray and gel their hair to within an inch of their lives. And then, to finish the look, I add hair pieces. Oh – and the false eyelashes! I wouldn’t dream of sending them out the door without those.
I do all this, and am happy to do so.
I am a dance mom.
And I’m learning that this is a controversial thing.
I grew up with dance shoes on my feet.
From the ages of 4-22, I spent several days a week doing what I love – practicing leaps and turns, and learning new choreography. I find myself tap dancing any time I’m on a hard surface. My favorite way to get a workout in is Zumba. And I beg my children to play Just Dance on the Wii with me.
I love it.
So I was thrilled when both of my girls fell in love with the sport too.
After testing out a couple of studios that weren’t a great fit for our family, we found one that was perfect for us. The dances are age appropriate. The music is never raunchy. The teachers care about my girls. I’ve made new friendships with other parents there. My girls look forward to going every time.
But between a heated debate on my FB wall (more details on that here) and a shocking comment regarding the ‘sexiness’ of dance on another blog, I’m learning that not everybody is a fan of the art form.
Yes, there is stage makeup involved (though my girls do not wear cosmetics on a day to day basis, of course!), and yes, there are two piece outfits. And this truly bothers some people. I get it.
Every decision we make for our family is made with care. We weigh our options and talk them over. We don’t make any moves lightly when it comes to our children’s commitments. You may not agree with the ones we make – and that’s just fine with me.
My husband is strongly against our son playing football, as he knew too many people with serious head injuries as a result of playing. You may have six sons all signed up for the game this fall – and that’s just fine with me.
We don’t have to agree with one another’s parenting decisions. What’s right for your family may be entirely wrong for ours. I believe we spend so much time thinking about the moves others are making that we lose sight of finding our own way – whether it’s letting our babies cry it out or not, or letting our college grads move back home or not.
My girls are learning confidence, the importance of commitment, the discipline of practicing and more through their dance experience. You might think it’s crazy.
But we think it’s crazy fun. And that’s good enough for our family.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject in the comments below!
24 comments
LOVE this! Our daughter has gained so much confidence from dance as well as learning to communicate and build friendships from the constant of being together with each dancer on her line. Thanks for standing up for us “normal” dance moms!
There are a few of us “normal ones” out there, right? 😉 Love that your daughter has had such a great experience with the dance world.
If you think you get comments regarding having girls in competition dance try having your son in it. I got a few comments when my daughters joined but when my son started rec dance at 3 and comp at 6 I had people ask the stupidest questions, like wasn’t I afraid he would turn out gay from this. The stupidity of some people is amazing. I love that my kids dance and I love what dance has done for my kids.
When I write my book “the demise of society”, things like this will be included! Because OF COURSE you will be gay if you are a boy who dances at an early age! Seriously people! Keep your chin up and keep fighting the good fight. Your kids will thank you one day!
Ooh – I’m sure that’s hard to hear… and not respond in anger! Good for you for going after what your little guys loves!
I love your point, and I also love that you mention that not all studios are the same! I have been a martial artist since I was young and hope that when my son is old enough that he might also be interested in doing it with me. But I feel like the same is true with finding the right place to practice that the emphasis be on building confidence and learning respect, not learning how to fight.
Way to be an awesome Mom! I think the greatest thing we can do for our kids is to let them do the things they love while still making informed decisions about what they are doing and where and supporting them! Your girls are learning so many awesome life skills!
Good luck to you, if he decides to follow in your footsteps, in finding the right fit for your family!
Its a little different, but you also just described the life of a skating mom! I applaud your choices, as they are just that, YOUR CHOICES. My daughters have gained so much from the sport of figure skating that wil serve them well in anything they choose to do.
Oh, I bet there are so many similarities there! Ice skating is such a beautiful sport – how fun that your daughters love it!
I love this post! My daughters both dance and are in love with it. They can sit and watch the “big” girls dance all day if I let them. They had dress rehearsal last night for their big performance on Saturday, they were both nervous but through that experience have the confidence that is rare in a 4 and 6 year old & I’m a proud mama. We are gonna keep those dancing shoes on!!
That’s so awesome! 🙂
I love your honesty and well rounded view point. We should spend less time judging others and more time evaluating what works for our own families.
I also grew up in the dance world, and so are my daughters. They love going each week and the bond they have with their teammates is beautiful. We are not crazy, we keep each other in check. Our girls are well looked after and loved by their teachers. They are learning far more that just how to dance, and I’m thankful for our studio. 🙂
So glad you’ve found a great studio for your family too!
I love that you wrote this. I find myself hesitant to post pictures of my daughter when she is in full costume and make up for her dance comps. Im also a “normal” dance mom. My daughter has so much confidence, and has made so many great friends through dance. She never stops dancing and I think its great that she has something that she is passionate about. Thank you so much for writing this!
It’s sad that we have to hesitate for fear of others’ reactions, isn’t it? So glad your daughter loves it so!
My daughter has been dancing for 8 years! She loves it! Sometimes the costumes get a little racy, but I see girls who play volleyball and soccer wearing clothes out in public that I would think only belong at a dance practice! I never danced a day in my life (although put me on dance floor with a dj or live music, and you would think that I THINK I’m a pro!) Lol! I like your blog!
Well, that is true – those volleyball shorts sure are SHORT! 🙂
Speaking as a former (local) dance teacher…good for you! I think that dance can be a wonderful, healthy outlet for children to express themselves, and a large part of that is either the parents’ reaction and/or the studio where they’re taking classes.
Yes, there are dance moms (boy, do I have some stories!) but the vast majority of parents want their child to engage in a physical activity that they enjoy, with the bonus of self-expression that you just don’t get in a sport. I hated sports as a child – loved dance.
As well, I often would point out to parents that it can be a very good thing for children to have friends that come from different circles than school – especially in the teen years. I’ve taught plenty of girls (and boys) over the years who were having a miserable time in the high school environment, didn’t excel at sports, and who really cherished their dance friends.
There are many ‘pluses’ to being involved in a healthy dance community, and I’m glad that you and your family have found the right one for you.
This topic is near and dear to my heart! I danced from the age of 4-22 as well, in both competitive studio and on competive high school and college dance teams.
Dance has completely shaped who I am for the better. It will always be a part of me. I learned confidence, discipline, leadership, and dedication through dance. In addition, my best friends to this very day are the ones I was in dance with.
The key is finding the right studio with supportive teachers who uphold strong ethics and values, while still giving quality dance instruction.
I have a 4 month old daughter and will be thrilled if she chooses to be in dance!