You may have seen the latest “funny” Father’s Day card – that one that thanks dads for making fatherhood look easy, because compared to motherhood, “it is.” Now, before someone gets all huffy-puffy, I understand it’s supposed to be tongue-in-cheek and a bit sarcastic. But the truth is, I don’t think too many dads opening that card would find it 100% funny, even if they didn’t admit to it. It’s kind of a burn.
I write this post in defense of the good dads out there that don’t get the credit they really deserve. Are there some not-so-great dads out there? Yup. But there are some not-so-great moms out there, too. Can we all just agree that parenting is really freaking hard, regardless of who you are or what role you play?
For awhile, as a stay-at-home mom, I secretly envied my significant other’s job. I knew what it was like to work in an office with other people. Now, here I was at home, 24/7 with a small child (and now 2 children), responsible day in and day out for their feedings, education, entertainment, laundering, cleanliness, and the list goes on. I missed the hustle and bustle of the office, of the adult interaction, of going out to lunch, of having a task list and completing it. I found myself telling him how “easy” he had it and attempting to compare our days. But then it hit me one day – what he was (and is) missing out on. All of the things I get to do during the day! The moments I more than likely take for granted – the afternoon snuggles, talking through the alphabet, singing silly songs, cooking with our toddler, and the temper tantrums. (Yes, even the temper tantrums.)
I grew up in a household where my mom was able to stay home with us a good chunk of our childhood, and so did my significant other. Our dads went to work, earned the money for housing, food on our table, paying the bills, and anything else we may have needed or wanted to do. Then they came home, and they played with us kids and managed to do yard work, house repairs, coached our sports teams, walked the dogs, and everything else I’m forgetting. Our moms made sure we got to our doctor’s appointments, the library, playdates, cleaned our rooms, did our laundry, the grocery shopping, meal-making, and the list goes on. (And those jobs flip-flop between parents all the time!)
One job isn’t harder or easier than the other – they’re just different. On the days I get frustrated with being home with the kids, I try to remind myself of what my sig other’s day is like. Did he “get” to go out to a kid-free lunch and enjoy some laughs over a cocktail with this coworkers? Yes, he did. But did he miss the first time our youngest laughed or rolled over? Or the look of pure pride on our toddler’s face the first time he completed his 24-piece puzzle? Yep. And for him, that sucks. Then there are the single dads who go to work, miss out on the special moments, and then have all the responsibilities at home, too. Honestly – I commend every single parent out there because you are among some of the strongest individuals I know. Moms or dads, you’re amazing. And what about the stay-at-home dads? They exist! So they’re wrapped into this societal idea that “dads have it so easy because mom has the tough job taking care of the kids.” In those situations, mom’s tough job is being away from the kids and dad is at home doing the stereotypical “mom jobs.” The SAHD deserves some credit, too! I’ll repeat myself: Parenting. Is. Hard.
When us moms are covered head to toe in spit-up and baby food, or had a long day at work, the kids screamed in the back seat all the way home from daycare and then we have to make dinner, we can forget you. Dads, I write this in honor of you and your impending Father’s Day. Know that it may not always seems like it, and as moms, we may sometimes critique the way you do things, but you’re recognized and appreciated.
(Photo credit: Andrea Winkler)
