To the Twin Mom in Her First Year

Hello, twin mom. You are in the midst of one of the most demanding but incredible years of your life. I know this because I’ve been there.

The day I gave birth to my beautiful twins was a day that changed me forever. They laid two babies on my chest, and my heart literally felt like it was going to explode. Two babies I had carried for months. Two babies I had hoped were safe despite the high risk pregnancy. Two babies that I prayed would grow big enough inside me so they’d be able to thrive when they came out. Two babies that made me a twin mom.

We made it. I felt their skin against mine and in that moment everything felt absolutely perfect. We were doubly blessed, indeed.

Then reality began to set in. Trying to get them to latch, the tandem feedings. There was talk of both of them needing a feeding tube. I started to feel overwhelmed. I wondered if they were getting enough to eat. I wondered if I would have enough milk for both of them. I wondered how long and how often I should be pumping to build my supply. I wondered about all of this, and so much more.

Little by little, they both made progress, and we got to go home. H-O-M-E. I was mentally and physically exhausted, but so thrilled to finally have my two babies within our four walls. Family came to help. Friends brought meals. People stepped in to support us in so many ways.

The first month could’ve been considered the honeymoon stage. The twins slept much of the day and even though I was awake several times a night to feed both of them, it felt pretty manageable. I would watch them as they slept, simply in awe of my miracle babies.

By the end of that first month, I was completely exhausted. I couldn’t think straight. There was no time for anything except feeding and holding babies. There were times during the day when both of them were crying and I had to choose who I was going to pick up and console, first. My heart ached when I had to leave one baby screaming to tend to the other.

The anxiety heightened whenever my husband had to leave the house because it meant that I was alone with the twins, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep them happy all day long. I had never been so emotionally drained in my life.

After another month, we were given the green light to be able to take them out in public. Thank GOD! I felt so trapped in my house and was eager to get out. I decided I wanted to take them shopping. Then came the realization of all the work it would take to get them dressed in layers, strapped into their car seats, and make the drive across town. I chickened out. Maybe staying home wasn’t so bad, after all.

Months three and four became increasingly difficult. The twins were awake for a good portion of the day and they required constant entertaining. They also hadn’t established a very solid nap schedule yet. I remember laying next to them on the floor, singing and shaking rattles all morning long just to keep the crying to a minimum. Again, I felt horrible that I couldn’t easily hold them both and comfort them the way I would with a single baby.

Finally, around five to six months, I started to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Sleep was a little more consistent. They were able to entertain themselves for a few minutes and they could hold their necks up just enough to allow me to hold them at the same time.

The six month mark was a huge turning point. I finally felt like we were settling into our new normal. The days still felt overwhelming at times, but I didn’t feel completely outnumbered by them. It helped that the smiles and giggles were happening frequently and I started to feel like I was bonding with them. I began to see them as my two little sweethearts instead of twice the work.

The rest of that first year remained full of ups and downs. Teething times two, diaper changes times two, and well visits times two. My sink was constantly filled with an abundance of bottles and the laundry piles even larger. But day by day, we were making progress.

I had finally come to understand what it meant to be a twin mom. I was learning that giving my time to my children is one of the most fulfilling things in life. I was learning that even on the hardest days, I was strong enough to make it to the end. I was learning that I had been chosen and entrusted with two hearts, two souls, and two minds who were born into our family so I could lead them. I was learning that being a twin mom may be one of the most demanding jobs in the world, but that it also reaps the biggest rewards.

So to you, sweet twin mom friend, who is still in that first year. I think about you often. When I see you out at the store I know how much work it took to get there. I know that you are probably terrified of being out and about with two screaming babies, so you’re rushing to get home before the next feeding. I know that you are exhausted. And I know that you likely feel lonely at times when it seems no one else in your circle fully gets what your daily life is like.

Friend, you WILL get through the first year. And when you do, you will look back with awe and wonder and realize just how strong it made you. Get ready to light the candles and CELEBRATE. It’ll be here before you know it. Your twins’ first birthday won’t only be to celebrate them, but to celebrate YOU! YOU, their momma, who loves them more than you ever thought possible. YOU, their momma, who sacrifices your own comfort and conveniences to take care of them. YOU, their momma, who was chosen for them because you are strong and you are able.

You can do this. Hang in there. Yes, twins are double the work. But I promise, twins are also double the fun.

Original post published February 2015