In the thick of parenting, it’s so easy to just do what you must do to survive and get stuff done — because there is always so much to do. Each of you has your “duties”— you do them and just. keep. swimming. While some days (weeks, even) will undoubtedly be that way, it’s still important to keep your marriage healthy. After all, having a healthy marriage creates a happy+healthy family and happy kiddos. Here are ten ways to stay connected to your spouse during the whole parenting thing…
1. Weekly date nights/get out of the house.
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! It’s so easy to get stuck in the same routine, I get it — it’s easy & comfortable. My husband and I are totally guilty. But it’s so enlivening to get out of the house on weeknights occasionally. I had to bring my hubby to get his car at his office the other night and decided to get a tour of where he works while we were there (I had never been there!) — and it was so fun! Finley was with us, but it still felt good to do something different than normal. I loved seeing his work space and he loved showing me. We connected! Yay for connecting!
2. Tech-free evenings once a week (at least).
These days, some form of technology is constantly glued to us. For me, I work on a computer all day and after work, when I’m at a stoplight even, without thinking, I reach for my phone to check in (whether it be texts or Facebook creepin’). We feel the need to fill any free moment with a screen in front of our face. After the kiddo’s bedtime, it’s no different. You will often find me sitting on the couch with my laptop, working on freelance projects, and my husband laying on the floor on his computer as well, and before we know it, it’s 10p, we’re exhausted and want to go to bed.
Try one evening a week (or more!) without any computer or phone use. (tip: turn your ring volume up and leave it on the counter, treating it as a landline. Answer if it rings if you feel compelled to.) Chances are, the evening will feel much longer than normal and you will actually have time to focus on each other and have meaningful conversation that keep you connected.
3. Quick texts throughout the day.
It only takes a second to send a text to let the other person know you are thinking of them. And with emoticons, you can say it all without any words. 🙂
4. Childfree vacation once a year if possible.
This isn’t necessarily an option for everyone, but take advantage of friends and/or family who love to spend time with your child(ren) for a couple nights (thanks grandmas and grandpas!). Get away for a long weekend (or one night), even if it’s just a couple hours away! Or try a staycation in the biggest city near you (Hello, Minneapolis!).
5. It’s the little things.
Sometimes the littlest things mean the most… Cleaning up dinner without any discussion about it, giving the kids a bath, picking up a bottle of her favorite wine or his favorite beer, or one of the easiest (yet, best) — complimenting your partner!
6. Be silly together.
Let’s face it, being an adult can be hard. So many responsibilities and pressure. Sometimes everything is so serious. Take time to be silly together. Send random selfies making goofy faces at each other to keep it interesting and for a good laugh. Play games, hide behind corners and scare your partner (I die laughing), jump on a trampoline. Anything that makes you loosen up and smile!
7. Go to bed at the same time.
Aside from the obvious reasons for this, I think by ending the day laying in bed together helps keep you connected.
8. Take time to reflect and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the whole parenting thing, we forget about our partner and how much we truly love him/her! Remember when you first met? When you actually used to flirt!? When you’d gaze into each other’s eyes, falling even more in love? Remember when you held hands everywhere you went because you just needed to touch? You can still do all those things! It just requires more of a conscious effort when there are kids demanding your attention.
9. Kiss!
When was the last time you had a meaningful kiss? Kissing can do a lot to make you feel connected so if you are just giving the quick peck on the lips and calling it good, try for more next time. Even when you are in a rush to get out the door (like usual, right…), it really only takes an extra 15 seconds to enjoy a meaningful kiss! Plus, you’ll probably leave a lasting impression on your spouse for the rest of the day. 🙂
10. Remember you are in it (i.e. parenthood) together. Teamwork!
I often think about how hard it would be to raise my child without the help of my spouse. Being able to take a step back during those times when you are about to break because you just cannot take one more minute of a child whining for something; or when you want to run to Target without a child in tow, or for God’s sake, when you just need to sleep in an extra hour on Saturday. You are not alone! Your partner is there in the thick of it too, with the same feelings. So, appreciate each other and know it’s a team effort to raise these little beings!
