Mother Lover! Euphemisms For Moms

I love all kinds of moms. I love all kinds of people, really. Perhaps it’s a Midwest naiveté, or maybe it’s a skill, that I can identify the goodness in most anyone.

While I love nearly every kind of mom, the mom that I love whole heartedly, the mom that I want in my corner, the mom I consider my closest confidante, is the one who can throw a good MF-bomb.

It makes perfect sense then that my favorite mommy euphemism is: Mother Lover!

I am sadly/thankfully now at an age where I think too much profanity is crass. Anyone can recite four letters and anyone can use smutty anatomy lessons. A spirited MF-bomb, on the other hand, requires grit and some sophistication (hey, four synonyms vs. four letters). Plus, it’s colorful and fun to say (just being honest).

Unfortunately, my two-year old recites everything I say. Verbatim. Once I absent-mindedly dressed her in her younger sister’s pants. When I realized what I had done, I casually let out a thoughtless curse. Immediately, she repeated it; over and over and over. With each repetition, she clubbed into my head the idea that I needed to learn some mommy euphemisms. Fast.

And alas, the list was born…

Euphemisms (and polite curses) For Moms:

Son of a bee-sting!

Mother Nature!

Shut the Front Door!

Cheese and rice!

Cheese and crackers!

Son of a biscuit!

Catawampus!

Cheez-Its!

Good heavens!

My word!

Bless his heart!

Poppycock!

Oh bologna!

Balderdash!

Weeeotch!

Fark!

Rascal!

Mother of Pearl!

Shiatsu!

Crab cakes!

Sugar honey iced tea!

Fig!

Melon Farmer!

Motivator, please!

Shitaki mushrooms!

San Antonio Texas!

And finally…

May all your Facebook notifications be game invites. On your birthday. Namaste.