After 5 years of having a two working parent household, my wife and I were fortunate enough to be able to make the change to one working parent and a stay at home parent.
We went from life with one child about to start kindergarten, to an almost kindergartener AND an infant. We attempted going back to work after our joint maternity leave, but for multiple reasons, it just didn’t work out. Something needed to change.
My wife started her stay at home journey last October. During this time frame, I was looking for a new job, securing that job and adjusting to a completely new environment and schedule. To say it was a huge life change is putting it mildly.
As we navigated the road to having a stay at home mom and a working mom, we discussed who might be the one to stay at home. However, deep down I knew I that did not want to be a stay at home parent. I realize that some parents are completely at ease as a stay at home parent. I am not that parent and I am completely okay saying that. Luckily for us, my wife was open to the idea and is a wonderful stay at home mom.
There are things I wish we had further contemplated between making the decision that we would be able to make this change and actually following through with it. These considerations would have helped clearly lay out what the new normal would look like.
Clearly define the new expectations of each parent to ensure the smooth management of your home.
With two working parents we did all we could to ‘tread water’ – keeping our head above the metaphorical water was all we could do in the available hours we had each day, before work/daycare and after. Now when I leave in the morning, my wife is getting our daughters ready for the day. She then gets one off to school and stays home with the other.
Understand that each parent has the potential to have a hard day is key.
I may have a hard day at work and she might be dealing with a fussy infant or defiant 5-year-old. Know that while each parent’s day looks completely different, each day may be trying and demanding.
Ensure that the stay at home parent has the time and ability to get out of the house.
This time would be preferably kid-free, to interact with grown-ups or even to just get a coffee and wonder pointlessly around Target.
As the working parent, I’ve come to realize that while it is really nice to come home to dinner, there are days it simply won’t be because things just didn’t go according to plan during the day. Those are the days I pick up something on the way home to make my wife’s day just a little easier.
I’m not saying we have it all figured out because that is far from the truth. We have our ups and downs but we’re getting there – one day at a time.
