A Mother’s Embarrassing Confession

Embarrassing Mommy Confession?

My children. They don’t like to clean their rooms. Ok. So maybe that’s not much of a confession is it? What child actually likes to clean their room? Certainly, not mine.

Over the past few years we have had a constant battle of the chaotic bedroom. I will get them into a routine and they will do well for awhile. But then life happens, our nights and weekends get busy, and it all falls apart again.

So here comes my real confession…

99% of the time I clean their room for them.

They are 5, 8, and 10. All perfectly capable of making their beds and folding their clothes. Even still, I have been their willing enabler and I feel terrible for their future spouses. Let this be my public apology if one day they end up being grown up hoarders, and their spouses have to deal with a problem I started, I am genuinely sorry.

So why have I insisted on doing all of their dirty work?

A. I clean it better and faster. I’ll admit that I am a little too particular when it comes to everything being in the exact right place. Little hands aren’t always as careful as mine, nor do they care if their closet is color coded. Basically I am a control freak and have serious issues.

B. I know dirty underwear is going into the hamper and not shoved into a drawer. Ew, ew, ew!  Please tell me that my house is not the only place this happens at?

C. I don’t have to argue with them to get the job done therefore my sanity remains intact. I think we all can agree that a mother’s sanity is more important than a clean room?

D. I am such a sucker for big blue pouty eyes. Unfortunately, I have three sets of big blue pouty eyes staring into mine during a bedroom stand off. In this house, pouty blue eyes always win. Killer.

I know it’s a lousy excuse, but between school, dance and soccer, our kids don’t get a lot of downtime. So when they are home, looking like mini, over- tired adults,  I end up giving them a “get out of cleaning your room pass.” Which they always eagerly accept. I definitely struggle with gauging how much responsibility is good for them and how much is just too much. Fortunately for them, I have begrudgingly erred more on the “ You are just a kid” side, and continued on with my maid status. Mommy guilt is a real thing.

I know it’s terrible.

But as of late, my own schedule has been insane and I haven’t had the time or will to organize and clean their rooms for the millionth time. The other night while putting the girls to bed, I ended up stepping on one of their toys that pretty much put my patience over. the. edge. Not to mention my poor foot.

Enough was enough. I was done. I decided right then and there that I was no longer go to clean their rooms. They were. Or else.

Or else what?

In my desperation, their daddy and I came up with these new ground rules:

1. Make your bed every morning.
2. Put your dirty clothes in the hamper and put your clean clothes back in their drawers every morning.
3. Pick up toys so Mom doesn’t step on them and declare war on you every morning.
4. Put away papers, art supplies, stickers, books, and anything else that scatters the floor …

EVERY MORNING !

We set one consequence if they failed to do meet our new rules. No clean room? Then no TV or iPad that day.

Surprise surprise! Their rooms have been clean for an entire week! I have been so amazed with their ability to quickly adapt to our new expectations, that I have been handing them other domestic chores like nobody’s business. This week alone the kids have learned how to do laundry! Which is a total game changer for this mom! They also have been making lunches for each other, picking up their messes in the bathroom, and vacuuming rooms.

I’ve realized that in order for this to work, I’ve also needed to make some new ground rules for myself:

1. Their best is not my best. It’s ridiculous to expect them to make their bed or organize their drawers in the same way I would, so my expectations of them need to be reasonable.
2. If they fail to follow through with the new rules, then I need to follow through with their consequence. This mama tends to be a lot of talk and very little action, and they know it!
3. Allow them to have more responsibility. If they ask to take on a new job, let them even if it means more work for me in the beginning.

I have been enjoying watching their confidence grow, and the lighter work load isn’t a bad trade off either! I am still trying to figure out what is a good chore list for each child though. I’d love to hear from all you experienced Mamas what your expectations for your children are!