Having a growth mindset has been shown to help people achieve success and skill development despite challenges. Choosing to have a growth mindset is beneficial for ourselves and our children, who model and practice what they see from their parents.
Today, I am trying something new. Let me give a little backstory here first. I have always wanted to write a book. At night before sleep, I would write out bits of my future “manuscript” in my mind. My best thoughts often come to me in the moments before sleep. As I crafted my “manuscript” in the late evenings, I have discovered the book in my brain seems to be in the memoir/self-help genre (go figure, right?!). I would say it is pretty good based on what my brain thinks. However, I have never actually written something concrete into this world.
Why, you might ask? I have stopped short due to fear. I am worried I would sound silly if I write the words into the world. I worried it would not be good, probably even terrible. Who would want to read my book? I worried I was not a good writer, so there was no point. This is too hard, I thought, so I never made an attempt. I stopped myself before I even tried. Recently, I have decided I’m sick of letting fear stop me from pursuing new interests. I mean, have you watched the Olympics this month? Look at all those athletes working incredibly hard day and in out despite challenges. I have come to realize I cannot get better if I never try.
When I think of my little daughter, I think of her future. I think of how she will have so many dreams, and of course, no matter what, she will experience setbacks in anything she tries. Yet, I want her to pursue all that she puts her mind to. I want her to see a challenge not as a stop sign but as something she can work at. I want her to not let fear hold her back. How will she learn this if I do not model it for her in my own actions?
Therefore, today I am trying something new. I am starting to write words into the universe. Let me tell you how it is going thus far. I’m a little nervous. I feel vulnerable. I feel pretty clumsy and out of my comfort zone. I love it and hate it. I want to stop but will not let myself.
According to Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, a growth mindset believes that we “grow” to learn skills and improve our abilities through challenges and mistakes. A growth mindset looks like reframing a challenge from “I can’t do that” to “I can’t do it yet.” Having a growth mindset has been shown to help people achieve success and skill development despite challenges. In addition, a “growth mindset” has been shown to improve outcomes for learning compared to a stagnate mindset. In my therapy practice, we are working to spread this message to children, teens, adults, and families. What if we all approached a challenge and failure as something to work at rather than a stop sign?
Here I am choosing to have a growth mindset moving forward, and I want my daughter to work at having one too. I want to learn a new skill, something I have always wanted to do. But, I cannot achieve the skill if I never try. Sometimes we have to feel clumsy and work through it to get to the achievement part.
Recently, my daughter just learned to sit independently. It was amazing to see her get this skill after many failed attempts. Now she is looking to approach crawling. I see her moving her arms in the air, and she lays on her belly. Beginning to desire movement but just forming her understanding of how the mechanisms go. Watching her gives me the courage to keep working on this new skill.
So here’s my plan. I am going to write every day for just a short time. Nothing much, but a few sentences or two. I’m not setting a deadline or having a specific purpose quite yet. I’m just getting comfortable. I am going to keep working on it over time. Once the comfort and skill grow, I will move into having set things I will write about. Maybe even ask for feedback from others. Who knows. Let’s see how this goes.
Tell me, what’s something new you want to learn? How can we keep each other motivated and accountable? How are you modeling a “growth mindset” for your children?
