When I had my first baby two and a half years ago, I was bound and determined that he would stay with me in my hospital room after he was born. I coached my husband beforehand, telling him to make sure they didn’t take my baby away, mostly because of those horror baby switching stories I’d heard about. I also wanted as much skin to skin contact immediately following birth, and I wanted to breastfeed as soon as possible.
My worries were soon put to rest when the nurses reassured me that they encouraged rooming in and would support and help me keep my baby by my side as much as I wanted.
I endured the first night with him in my room, but by the time the sun came up in the morning, I was even more exhausted than when I went to bed. Not only was my body completely worn out from giving birth, but my hormones and emotions were all over the place. Being a new mom made me feel paranoid and worried that something would happen to my baby, so I basically stayed up all night staring at him and making sure he was still breathing.
Despite my weary state, I kept him in my room all day, and loved being able to hold him as much as I wanted. Then we had some friends stop by who already had kids, and she mentioned that she had sent her babies to the nursery at night. Hearing her say that was so encouraging. For some reason, I felt guilty for wanting to send him there because rooming in seemed to be so popular.
After talking it through, my husband and I decided that we’d send our precious bundle to the nursery overnight, so we could get some rest before going home the next day. The nurses were happy to do this, and didn’t make me feel like less of a mom because of it. They brought him to me every three hours so I could breastfeed him, but besides that, I was able to get some much needed rest.
We were discharged the following day, and I was extremely thankful we decided to get a little extra shut eye before going home, where we wouldn’t have extra help in the middle of the night.
When I had my twins a year and a half later, we had just moved to Minnesota and the hospital I delivered at didn’t have an option for nursery care. All the babies roomed in, unless they were delivered before 36 weeks. I didn’t know this until we got there, but someone was watching out for me. I delivered at 35 weeks and 6 days, meaning my babies spent their time in the nursery. I was so grateful. I would visit them every three hours to breastfeed them, and they kept to that schedule beautifully when we went home two days after they were born.
I’m expecting my fourth baby in September. I absolutely loved the hospital I delivered my twins at, but I’m nervous that nursery care won’t be an option assuming I deliver at full term.
More and more hospitals are moving to rooming in only, or are strongly encouraging their staff to push back when a mom wants to send her baby to the nursery. I’ve read countless articles about the benefits of rooming in, but I still feel that every mother should have a choice in the matter. From my experience, I don’t think it should be mandatory. As moms, we know what’s best for us and our babies. Some of us will do better when our babies are with us during those first 48 hours, and others of us will do better when we’re given the option to get a little rest.
What are your thoughts on this hot topic? Do you think hospitals should continue to offer nursery care as an option or do you think rooming in should be the only way to go?
39 comments
Amber,
Thank you so much for writing this! I didn’t use nursery care at all with my first, but my husband was with me the whole time. With the second, I was on my own for parts of the time and having had a c-section, you can’t get up for a while, can’t walk around much and you feel pretty helpless. As a c-section mama, I can’t imagine being left alone in the room with my baby being a requirement. I know that sounds bad, but post-surgery can be nerve-wracking when you’re left alone to care for your sweet baby while recovering.
I am shocked that this option is being eliminated, but not only that, that nurses would be encouraged to push tired, exhausted women after birth to keep a baby in their room even if they know what they need. Thank you for bringing awareness and hopefully, they’ll at least allow women the choice.
Beth I cannot imagine how crazy the recovery is after a c section let alone having the take care of the baby by yourself! I agree with you that it’s sad that moms are being encouraged to room in to basically just save the hospital money. So sad!
For many hospitals, I believe it has more to do with seeking “Baby-friendly” certification, and helping mothers and babies bond–not helping hospitals save money.
http://www.babyfriendlyusa.org/about-us/baby-friendly-hospital-initiative/the-ten-steps
Nurses are nurses not babysitters, they shouldn’t be pushed to watch over your kids in the nursery. Its a mothers responsibility to feed them, perform skin to skin. Get your snoring husbands to help you out!
Nina,
If you’ve ever had a c-section and have older children as well, “snoring husbands” are often home taking care of those other children while you are recovering from major surgery. We respect your opinion that babies should room in, but please don’t berate mothers who have had a traumatic natural birth or intense surgical birth just for asking for help. Mom guilt comes on it’s own without anyone needing to add to it. Moms should be encouraged to ask for help from Day 1 and not be ashamed to admit they need some help here and there.
Goodness! Moms need as much sleep as they can get before being sent out into the world with a newborn. I didn’t know either that some hospitals were eliminating the nursery option but that makes me sad. Like you, Amber, I had every intention of keeping Max with me the whole hospital stay, but after the same sleeplessness issues the nursery was a godsend. I might need to consider this when looking at places to deliver the next time around.
I know Ash, I was so surprised to find out that more hospitals are going away from nursery care. I LOVED getting a little extra sleep, and I know you had a long labor and really really needed it! 🙂
I had a lot of the same experiences on my first night with my first. My Mom told me when she left the first night after meeting my daughter….”let those nurses take her tonight…you will never have help like that again, so take advantage”. I had so much anxiety and a snoring husband and the “ched” in the hospital that I didn’t sleep a wink! I think it’s not good to not have nursery care as an option. I know people who didn’t go to their proposed hospital because of it. A sleepless, hormonal woman is not a good combo. The other thing I did different with my second is, I had him go home to sleep. I took a sleeping pill my doctor offered and I only had my parents visit and meet my son…no friends. It was helpful in letting me chill and rest and take it all in rather than be anxious and restless. Thanks for sharing Amber! You are a rockstar at all of this, I think it’s cuz you take care of YOU. that’s important!
Thanks for your thoughtful comment Suzanne! The “ched” – so so bad for dads! This last time around we had a huge hospital room so Jake brought a queen sized air mattress – so funny but so much better! I also like your idea of limiting visitors. It can be so exhausting to have too many people around!
And to my above comment, I had my husband go home to sleep, not my son!!
Like you, I see the benefit in letting mom and dad decide what is best for their specific situation. I had an emergency C-section after lots of hours of hard, non-productive labor. I was emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. I knew that I would be teetering on an all-encompassing breakdown if I didn’t get some rest before going home.
I think that our generation has put increasingly ridiculous pressure on ourselves to be the upgraded version of the stepford-wife-soccer-mom-on-crack. From the time that we give birth to the day we die we must be this “over achiever” of a parent. Thinking about it makes me want to vomit, because in no way is it sustainable.
We need to realize that we are only human…one person in a big world. God knows that and knows our limitation and abilities much better than we do. It’s ok to ask for help from the very beginning, because you have a whole lifetime of bonding ahead of you.
So, to finish the details on my personal experience…I loved that little girl all day and into the evening. Bedtime arrived, and gladly accepted the lunesta I was offered. In the morning I was so rested i probably looked like a crack mom! I was buzzing around the whole floor getting my walks in to heal my incision with Liv in tote.
I feel that by getting the rest I so greatly needed, I was set up for success for the first couple weeks of my maternity leave. Not offering this option to new parent’s is a great disservice. I think that we could potentially even see an increase in post-partum depression, shaken baby, slower periods of healing, increased complications, and longer hospital stays.
Love your thoughts, Lara! I agree with you that there seems to be too much pressure put on us these days. I love what you said about accepting help from the start. I think it’s such a beautiful way to acknowledge that we can’t do it on our own! And as for the post partum depression and things such as that increasing, I agree. As someone who struggled with PPD, rest makes a world of difference!
After two hospital births I chose to have my third at home and it was the best decision for me and for my baby. Just the peace and serenity of my family at home with our new addition. No nursery option at home =)
With my first two kids, instead of putting baby in the nursery, I chose to go home as soon as possible. Everyone… mom, dad and baby will sleep better if they are in their own bed, not the “ched” or hospital bed or even sleep aquarium they put newborns in =) Yes, we moms are all exhausted but constant skin to skin and bonding with baby is crucial and in my opinion not worth a good night sleep to miss out on these things.
I have never had a c-section and can imagine that it would be very hard to care your baby my yourself after such a procedure. But how much more does the mother of a c-section need to bond and learn the cues of hunger from her baby, including throughout tough nights. Ask for help, nurses are there to help as well as partners and family. You may think you are catching up and doing you and your baby the best my getting that one good nights sleep; but in fact you are taking some steps back my not meeting the needs of your newborn and not learning about them from day 1. Your newborn needs you, that is all he or she needs, you. Don’t deprive your sweet baby the one this they need. We can all catch up on sleep some day =)
Great place to talk and share our experiences.
I see where you’re coming from – I loved the skin to skin contact and got it as soon as I can, but I will say, as a c-section mama, that sending my child to the nursery didn’t change anything – I did a mix of both with my second and was just as connected with her and able to nurse as I was with my first (also a c-section, but was in our room the whole time). I know everyone is different, but going through major surgery is a big deal and putting yourself completely on the back burner after such a major medical procedure is actually not great for baby. What baby needs most is a calm, relaxed and as rested-as-possible mama who is emotionally energetic and able to care for her baby. For every woman that’s different and some can do without the sleep to be that for their baby, but the moms who need more sleep should never be made to feel badly for needing rest. Hoping the choice will still remain for all moms so they can all do what’s best for them and their babies!
Hi Caitlyn! I’m so glad you guys found something that worked great for your family! It sounds like the home birth was great for you! I think all of us have different experiences and know what our kids and bodies need the most. As someone who’s struggled with postpartum depression, sleep is something that I’ve learned is so important to managing my emotions. When they’re in check I’m a better mom and able to actually bond with my babies instead of being in a dark place. I think there are so many other variables and circumstances that make it difficult to say there should be only one way of doing things. I agree with you that this is a great place to learn and appreciate each other’s differences and experiences! Such a great reminder that we were all created so uniquely to take care of our kids!
Just had my second baby last week in a small hospital(Orange City, IA) and it was the same as my first child. I didn’t know anything about this topic even before my first but very happy that all the nurses are people you know and trust. I absolutely loved sending my child to the nursery all times. We needed that rest before we went home! I understand the other side as well but I’m a momma who would get more emotional without some sleep. Besides the nurses at small hospitals don’t see as many babies (more on call) so they loved it just as much!
Hi Leianna! Congratulations on your second baby! I love that you delivered in Orange City – my hometown! The friends I’ve talked to who have delivered there have all had great experiences too. One of the many perks to living in a small town!
I have four children. I know with my first we did NO rooming in because she was taken to another hospital for her care. 🙁 I don’t remember what I did with the middle two. I know with my 4th I sent him to the nursery the second night, because I was so exhausted. I had been up pretty much then entire night I was in labor, he hadn’t slept well the first night, and I needed to rest and know that he was being taken care of. I definitely think I was much better prepared to go home and face life with a newborn and 3 other children!
I love that you don’t remember what you did with the middle two! Sounds about right when you have lots of littles! 🙂 I’m the same way as you, I look forward to staying in the hospital especially with other littles at home! It’s like a retreat – I’m already looking forward to mine coming up in September! 🙂
I used nursery care with my first because I had a long labor and eventually a c-section. With my second I had her room in. I had a planned c-section and things were much calmer. I think Moms should have the option to room in or use the nursery.
Thanks for your thoughts Jessica! I’m so glad you had a great experience with rooming in! I agree with you that the option is so important!
What a great topic! I love hearing these opinions. I am a mother of a 14 month old daughter and we roomed in while at the hospital. It was highly discouraged to send the baby to the nursery. I didn’t really considerate an option. Let me tell you though, I will really be considering the nursery for my second. I do not feel that rooming in was beneficial. My labor was 23 hours and I didn’t get much sleep at all. By the time I delivered it was 9am and I hadn’t slept in almost 40hrs. I was exhausted. I felt like I was crazy I was so tired. I couldn’t remember anything the nurses were tell I no me and I was falling asleep while breastfeeding. The nurses were literally telling me to wake up to feed her because I was that tired that I didn’t wake up on my own. It was terrible. By the time I was discharged I felt like a zombie and of course was never really able to catch up on sleep. I don’t like the idea that some hospitals don’t allow rooming in because I don’t see how an experience like I had can be beneficial to a mother or baby.
Anyway, thanks for bringing up this discussion, I really enjoy hearing both sides!