Tomorrow we won’t fight with him.
My husband whispered those words to me as he came into our son’s bedroom. I was sitting in the rocking chair next to his bed watching him sleep. I sighed. I had just been having the same internal dialogue in my head.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Tomorrow I will yell at him less.
Tomorrow I will be more patient.
Tomorrow I will play with him more.
Tomorrow I will laugh with him.
Tomorrow I will do everything I can to make sure he knows how much we adore and cherish him.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow offers hope. A clean slate. Another chance to be the kind of mom I want to so badly be.
Tonight my heart is heavy. It’s sad, beat up and full of regret. Lately I feel like every day I’m fighting battles. All. Day. Long.
Having a persistent, determined two and a half year old is hard. As charming and funny as they can be, they can also be downright maddening. Enter a mama who gets easily frustrated and well, things can get ugly. We are both stubborn, prideful and too much alike. We both like to be in control. The thing is, he is TWO and his behavior is to be expected. I, on the other hand, am a 30-year old mama who should know better. I should know to remain calm, laugh it off and move on. I don’t want to spend these precious days fighting battles against him. I don’t want to feel battered, bruised and defeated after a long day of fighting. If I’m being honest, fighting is taking its toll. It is stealing the joy of motherhood. It is causing a strain on my relationship with my toddler. I adore him to death, he is my everything- but- I’m exhausted. It is breaking my heart.
As I watch him sleep it dawns on me. I’m not sure that doing better means fighting less. The reality is that motherhood is always going to be filled with battles. It’s part of the job. Our job isn’t to keep the peace at whatever cost. It is to fight at all costs. The fight we are fighting is to raise our children. Children who are decent, responsible, loving, kind, respectful, honest. Children who can hold their own and succeed in this world. Each battle is a small victory as we progress through motherhood. I’m not fighting against him. I am fighting with him. I am fighting for him. This doesn’t mean I can’t change the way I fight. I CAN do a better job at staying calm during the battles. I can choose my battles more wisely, be more discreet. I can teach him to fight battles respectfully. I can fight for him in a way that doesn’t keep hurting our relationship.
So while I can’t say I’m waving that white flag- I am going to change course. I’ll keep fighting the fights that are necessary for his well being. I’ll keep fighting for him to be his own self. But I’m also going to be more calm and let go of the frustration. I’m going to slow down and enjoy the ride. I am going to embrace having a little mini clone of myself and show him how I can keep my emotions in check.
Tomorrow I will keep my cool when he asks for milk and refuses the yellow Mickey Mouse cup because he wanted the blue Mickey cup. I’ll sip my coffee as I talk to him calmly about using “thanks” and “please.”
Tomorrow I won’t get frustrated when he refuses breakfast only to say “I’m hungry” ten minutes later. I’ll gently remind him that we have to eat at scheduled times and that he can have a banana in the car.
Tomorrow I will laugh at his persistence to wear his Jake and the Neverland Pirates pajama shirt to daycare. I’ll be silly with him and tease him as I discreetly dress him in a different shirt of his choosing.
Tomorrow I will be patient and let him walk to the car as slowly as he’d like. I’ll let him climb into his car seat by himself while telling him, you are so independent!
Tomorrow when he asks me to play with him while I’m making dinner, I’ll say just a minute. I’ll talk to him about waiting our turn while I get down on the floor and build Legos and do puzzles together.
Tomorrow I will say yes to his relentless requests to play swords. I am coming to realize that he needs me to play with him in order to avoid meltdowns.
Tomorrow I will be silly with him, make a mess and not care. I’ll be better at relaxing, other things can wait.
Tomorrow I’ll snuggle with him in his bed, holding him in my arms, feeling his breath on my face, his body melting into mine. I know he will feel safe and loved.
Tomorrow I will be at peace looking at him knowing that there is no where else I would rather be.
Tomorrow there is no other battle that I would rather be fighting.
Tomorrow I won’t be perfect, but I will do better.
84 comments
Exactly the thought of every mom with a strong willed child especially boys!! My son is 4 1/2 and I find myself getting mad at him all day even over the color of cup he drinks his milk out of STILL!!! And how he pesters his little sister (1) even though to him he just wants to play! !
Thank you for such a great article
Jeannine
Wow! This is me-my life on a daily basis. You would think behind a mother of 5 I would have mastered parenting – a big no. I will do better tomorrow??
That was a great read. I struggle with this with a very active 4 Y.O. , 5 Y.O. And a 12 Y.O. (Pre- teen) with a new attitude and one on the way now ? I just tell myself it will all calm down in about 6 more years!! I relate to your emotions on all levels (just multiplied). It’s nice to hear another mother express those feelings and thoughts.
Love the article and I feel the same way. I have three children and my 5 year old is a strong willed boy. He pushes my buttons to the limit on a daily basis. He had him tested but he was only diagnosed as mild ADHD. He is doing well in school and I am extremely proud of him. I know God has big plans for this special boy.
I can definetly relate to this!! My 2.5 YO is a very strong willed little man, and although a blessing, it does take its toll on us both some days. I find myself saying the same things to myself that you have written, so thank you I really needed to hear that I am not alone in this. I also need that extra boost of you can do this! ?
After a meltdown by my 6 year old last night, and him telling me “home is not fun” “I don’t want to be here” and consequently breaking my heart with those words. We stopped. We cried. We talked. He was upset that I’m always rushing him (in the morning and at night). That I ask him to do “something” over and over and I don’t see that he may be already doing it (like walking to the bathroom to brush his teeth while I’m running around getting lunches made). That I’m always yelling at him. That’s not what I want to hear as a mother, that is not who I want to be as a mother. I want to be kind, nurturing, foster independence, show how much I love him and I’m proud of him. Sometimes the day, the schedule, “life” takes over. Anyway, last night we talked – how can we make things go more smoothly? Perhaps Mom and Pop can be more patient. Perhaps we can create some space in the morning and evening routine for more relaxing, more fun. So working with him, we created a morning schedule with times and activities – and an evening schedule with the same. Wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, get in car. We worked together to pick the times, allowing for enough time to do the task, and to not rush. The chart hangs in the living room and we all know what the expectations are. Parenting is not easy, we are finding our way, sometimes we have to stop, catch our breath and say wait, we can do this better. Thanks for the article!
My children are now teenagers and I still have days that feel this way, but they’re fewer and farther between now – I learned the hard way to offer choices (would you like the red or blue one) and list the consequences (you will be hungry if you don’t eat and we won’t have time if you don’t do it now) before a meltdown could occur. I struggled to find ways to say yes to my boys – yes you can play with the puzzles, after the blocks are picked up – yes we can go to the park, after you take a nap. I’m still trying to find ways to say yes – yes you can drive to work tonight if you promise to come straight home. While understanding that there are just times that you have to say no – no you can’t stay up til 11:30 on a school night to watch a movie (that you’ve seen 3 times already!)
Keep your chin up and know that you are a good mom!!! The fact that you are writing an article to express yourself is proof!! Just read to, play with and love your child – the laundry, dishes and cleaning will all get done….eventually!
I could have written this – and replaced the age “two” with “eleven.” As a seasoned veteran of three school-aged kids, I can tell you it doesn’t get better. It gets different. Hang in there. It’s a rough ride. Hopefully worth it!
As a single dad, who has a daughter that is a spitting image of my own stubbornness, and short temper, I can honestly say that I struggle with this exact issue quite often. I find it hard to get advice on parenting as a single father. It’s hard to be the only enforcer and the one she comes to for comfort. I feel as though this article was like a door has opened for me to become a better, more involved, level headed parent. I’m so glad I stumbled across this.
Beautiful writing. So many of us can relate. It’s just nice to know we are not alone.
Thanks!
Megan