What’s one word that best describes you?
Uhhhhh…It was like trying to answer an essay question on a test I didn’t study for. This was my first day at MOPS! Why were they throwing the hard questions at me already?! Question two: What could you talk about for 3 hours straight? Ummmm…Gosh, I hope there’s extra credit because I’m failing this test about myself!
And there it was. I didn’t know myself anymore. Or at the very least, I’m the friend I’ve lost touch with. It was the mom identity crisis I didn’t know I was having. Had you asked me three or four years ago, before kids, I would have had a solid answer! I loved laughing, hanging out with friends, meeting new people, spending time in the kitchen cooking/baking, being crafty, organizing (weird, I know), going to events. I used to snowboard, wakeboard, kneeboard. I used to paint! And not with my fingers!
Having kids changes you in the best ways. You’re less selfish, more giving, patient, compassionate, etc. But in my transformation to mom, I’ve completely lost me. I’ve given so much of myself there’s just nothing left. I fill my days playing with my two young kids, teaching them, doing art, going to the zoo, park, open gym, library, etc. On the weekends, we look for fun things to do as a family. When the kids are napping or sleeping, I’m cleaning, working, or folding laundry. On my list of people to take care of, I’m last.
In some ways, I love this change. I love my kiddos, spending time with them, and taking care of my family. But I want my kids to look at me and see that mom has a strong sense of who she is because I want that for them. I want them to know who they are because that’s where their self-worth should come from. My daughter is amazing because she’s silly, compassionate and friendly. My son is amazing because he’s hilarious, laid-back, and adventurous. Yes, they’re both adorable, but they’re beautiful because of who they are. I need to hold tight to my identity, so they will hold tight to theirs.
How do I do that? By finding making more time for me. I need more Moms Nights Out. I need more date nights with my hubby. I need more hobbies!
At one of our first Mom Nights Out in our Neighborhood Groups, I asked a group of moms what their hobbies were…silence. We need hobbies outside of our kids’ hobbies! We need mom hobbies. We need “mobbies!” Join a running club, take a community class, book clubs, learn how to make wine, just do something for you, because you, fellow mama, are an awesome mom, but you are an awesome person too! Don’t lose sight of that! If we hold tight to our identities and take care of ourselves, we will be better moms, but our kids will be better for it too. And that’s a win all around!
